i read profiles and blogs and status updates about other babies with HLHS ...i cry. then it hits me at any moment i could lose Olivia. one day i can be holding her and the next she is gone. i realize i shouldnt think this way but there is no way not to think this way. i see it everyday.
i am torn its a double edged sword ...the lovely ladies who comfort me on restless nights seem to be a root of these panic attacks also.
im terrified of what the future holds. im scared of what god has planned... but i am anxious for what it is also.
being torn this way is painful and exhausting.