what hurts the most...

i hear these songs and read the storys and it brings me down...my heart is heavy the last few days my patients is extremely thin... i have no tolerance for people around me. maybe the lack of sleep..the sounds of beeping ingraved so far into my brain not even help from a pill bottle can silence it. thoughts of whats to come haunts me but living in the  now isnt any easier with the latest financial struggle chris and i have found ourselves facing on top of everything is really getting to me. dont know what to do ... it makes me wonder if i will ever be able to work in the real word. will i have to always depend that some one else will provide. so many thoughts plague my mind and i hate it i hate the frustration im tortured by...i hate the rage that has become a normal part of my life...but the biggest struggle i face is looking at my daughter and wondering how will we get through this. how will i be what she needs if i cant even help myself in all of this . my brain has declared war on itself.