Today,
I felt that sting...the pain got a hold of me and didnt let go.
Days like today i am overwhelmed by tremendous hurt. I question god ...
Please tell me why you made me a woman? where as a woman is designed to create life...I could not do so.
My heart breaks knowing that in a couple weeks my sweet child would have been 6 months old. I found a photo of myself when i was 7 months and it ripped through my heart. Olivia looked so much like me. Knowing i will not see her grow up into the beautiful young woman i know she would have been, destroys me.
I'm sorry. I question God too... my faith tells me that He knows how much we can handle, but can it possibly be true? I thought I'd reached my limit after my first pregnancy and first miscarriage. Now here I am, 4 years down the road, with 4 babies dead who I never even met and one who I held and cuddled just long enough to love her with the passion put in my heart by God; the passion of a mother for her infant. Why does God take our babies??????? Why did He design us to love them absolutely unconditionally if He knew all along that He would snatch them away??? We have to stay strong and remember that your Olivia and my Phoebe would have been so beautiful and they would have brought such joy to the world...but somehow they are bringing even more joy to some other world where there is no such thing as sorrow like ours.
ReplyDeleteMy heart BLEEDS for you, I am so SORRY that your sweet girl was taken. Life is so unfair.
Katie, you did create life! A very special, beautiful, amazing life! Olivia touched so many people, gave them hope, courage and the desire to be better people. She did more in her short few months than most people do in 50 yrs. She showed me that my heart can still love, and that is something I will cherish as long as I live. Olivia will live in my heart forever.
ReplyDeleteAnd when the time is right you will create another life. You are an amazing mother and I know in my heart you will have more babies to share your love with.
I would give anything to know how to make you feel better.