Saturday, September 24, 2011

5 months

‎5 months ago I stood at your bed..shaking and crying. 5 months ago I watched you fight for your life. 5 months ago I gave you your last bath. 5months ago i told you there where angels and god waiting for you. 5 months ago I told you to not be scared. 5 months ago you took your last breath. 5 months ago your heart beat for the last time. 5 months ago was the last time I held you in my arms. 5 months ago I held an ANGEL. 1 in 100 babies are born with a heart defect. PLEASE spread awareness... because some one some where is remembering the last time they held their angel for the last time.

until we meet again Olivia... 

today has been rough for me in so many ways and i hope it doesn't continue to get harder as these dates pass me by. the pain and anxiety from it is so suffocating sometimes. I went out to the mall to look around and i found myself depressed that i will not be picking out Olivia's first Halloween outfit... and that there will be no cute picture of her tasting a sour candy for the first time... no more will i get to have those very happy loving cherished moments with my sweet baby girl... because she is not here anymore. she will forever be 4 months and 1 day old... she will never grow up with my other children and she will never go to prom. she will never have her heart broken by the boy in her 3rd period class or win a spelling bee... she will never feel the ocean one her little feet or fly on a plane... 

i miss my little girl... i feel like i am missing such a huge part of me.

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