Friday, August 5, 2011

over whelmed

so over whelmed with emotions today. so pissed off at so many people ... and because this blog is not private i will not be naming any one. but i wish i could walk up to "your" face and spit in it.

today making a shirt for evelynn to wear to the heart walk tomorrow has really fucked me up. i am so angry ... why the fuck does this happen!! MY BABY SHOULDNT BE DEAD! i shouldnt have to tell anyone that she is in heaven. she should be in my arms.

i shouldnt have to be feeling so awful!

I HATE these mothers i see that take it for granted. your fucking kid isnt promised! I hate the woman who have abortions like it is a form of birth control when so many of my friends struggle everyday because they cannot get pregnant.

i am so angry.

i dont know how to be calm and relaxed in this pregnancy... i have to face that there IS a chance that this baby can be sick too, that i can be sick with this pregnancy and to top it all off my baby died. now i am terrified that it can happen again.

i fucking hate this. i hate how fucked up this world is.


  1. I love you honey :( I'm sorry that people are fucking assholes! I wish I could bring her back. I wish your heart didn't ache anymore. I am consumed with sadness for your broken heart. I love you. If you need me to come pick you up and take you away for a little while- so you can smile a little, I'll be there mama !! I love you! You are awesome!

  2. I'm so sorry for how you are feeling. I have been following your blog for quite some time now and like the comment before me said, i am consumed with sadness for your broken heart and for Olivia. You are a very strong woman and you deserve nothing but happiness. I know it's hard with ptsd and anxiety, and this messed up world is not fair. But stay the strong woman we all know you are. You are blessed with a very special angel and she is watching over you. Just have faith in yourself and (i know you've heard this before) but know that time will make things easier. I am very sorry for what you have gone and are going through. You are in our prayers. <3