(this quote really hit my heart today ... not fully sure how to explain it but i thought I'd share... i am a realist most of the time and i am really working on being more optimistic and hopeful for my daughters future)
well first off i would really like to take a moment to say a little prayer for seven warriors that lost their battles this week with a CHD. Restin peace ♥ Ewan ♥, ♥ Kaitlynn ♥ , ♥ Doug ♥ , ♥ Jessica ♥, ♥ Tim ♥, ♥
Caleb ♥ and ♥ Alexander ♥..
please god open your arms to these wonderful little ones. please give peace to their families and let them get some rest in the weeks to come .... amen
OK so Stanford....
SEPTEMBER 28TH
i met with the high risk obgyn and got to meet Dr drizzen and his help and they where all very wonderful. they did a lot of test and asked a lot of questions. the doctors there want me to get out of bed and walk around but they told me it will be a fine line because they need me to pay attention to my body and make sure i am not over doing it.. they are worried because of family history and my size that i will develop a blood clot and they really don't want that to happen. we also talked about my heart murmur. up until that day i never thought about the fact that in a way it is a DEFECT and i am a LINK to my daughters heart issues. i am trying hard not to blame myself and in most days i am completely aware that it is not my fault and i didn't do this to her this isn't something i chose to give to her. they are going to do an echo of my heart and find out where and what it is. i also have to do a 24 hour pee test YUCK! i have to pee in this cup thing and then pour it into a jug it just grosses me out !!! and when i go back on the 21 i will be doing the glucose test. i am a high risk for gestational diabetes because of my family so they want to make sure that's going OK too... and the blood test ugh... i hate getting blood taken I HATE IT! but i will suck it up for sweet olive she will have to go through way worst!
i also met with my social worker Allison she was very sweet and it was nice getting to talk to her and she was helpful to explaining what she was there for and what her job was :)
THE 29TH
this was the day i met the famous DR HANLEY (he will be doing olives surgeries). he was late by like 20 minutes but seriously this man is busy... he talked to me about olives heart and that they still think that the valve that needs to be open is going to give us a bit of a run for our money and that she will be monitored very closely in the weeks to come and when she gets here most likely almost 85% sure she will be rushed away so they can make sure that it is open and stays open. when he was talking to me about this i choked back my tears and tried my hardest not to break down in front of him. i didn't think talking to him would be so hard but all i could think of is that this man has the power to save her life... and i have to trust in this stranger to cut my baby open. i was completely flooded with emotions. when we left the building i broke down and cried to my dad... i am glad he went because he offered a hug when i needed it so bad.
i met the pediatrician/ neonatologist woman working on our case too... this must have been the hardest part of the day. we sat in a room and talked about what the journey is going to some what look like... she talked about delivery and how i will have about 4 people taking care of me and 5-6 looking after olive. she made sure to tell me all the sad/ scary details of what can possibly happen. she informed me that because of her condition as of right now that most likely she will have to have a breathing tube because the drugs they will have to give her. the meds make it so breathing on her own will be very hard. she talked to me about "breast feeding " PUMPING really... and i think right about that point in the conversation i had to get up and go to the restroom to puke my guts out! it was all so over whelming and nerving.. i really wished Chris was there to hold me hand.
we toured around the NICU and really i thought this was going to be a lot harder but truly these little babies are so so beautiful. there was a little baby girl very close to where we where standing and she was all hooked up and even had a breathing tube and i wasn't seeing any of it i just saw this beautiful little girl. it made me want to hold my little olive in my arms. we also got to walk around the CVICU and in there there where babies and younger kids even a girl who looked to be around my age. i am glad i got to see it...
well my trip to Stanford was hard but it was a lot of good information and it gave me a bit of a chance to see what and where i will be in 13 weeks... yes 13 weeks i cant believe in less than 96 days she will be here.
!stay strong my little olive!
OCTOBER 3RD
we went on the heart walk and it was fun. it was 3 miles long and although i was no where near the first to finish i did complete the 3 miles :) here are a few photos!
Thanks for the additional info about Olivia's condition, I understand what's going on in her little body, and what she'll go through, a lot better. I pray for your family everyday. I hate that I can't come be with you until your husband finally gets home. But I'm so glad you got a chance to get away for a while, I hope you were able to relax and enjoy yourself.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing that caught my eye was after your appointments and you left, you broke down in your dad's arms. I know that through the hardest, scariest and most painful moments of my life a hug from my daddy makes everything seem a little better, there is nothing safer than a fathers' hug and I'm so glad your dad is there to support you and soon little Olivia's daddy will be there, too.
I can't explain it, but you've touched my heart in such a way that, in my mind, you are part of my family. Even though we didn't get to know each other very well before you moved away I knew you were a good soul and I'm proud to say I know you.