Friday, July 8, 2011


so i am starting to think that maybe i should start doing a bunch of drugs, neglecting my family and running around on my husband because it seems like every piece of shit low life has a bunch of healthy children....

so obviously if you know me you know that i would never do this to myself but it is something i am very bitter about. i don't understand how a DRUGGY can go on to have perfectly healthy children... how woman WHORES!!! can go on and pop out a bunch of children and neglect them.... i don't understand why GOD would allow this to happen....
i did everything right ... i took ever good care of myself and the one thing, THE ONE THING that i love the most ...that meant EVERYTHING to me was ripped away from me.

I went to the ER yesterday at 2pm and didnt go home until 1am. they did blood test...a pap...pelvic and an ultrasound (external and internal...) to find out that i have a  large cyst in my uterus and one on my ovary. it is causing a lot of pain and i am 5 days late and my cycle is all fucked up. this makes me furious! why... why do i need more on my plate.... why do i have to keep running into a wall.

home life isnt any easier with chris working 12 hour shifts.

i just wanna call a time out ... or quit. i am so bitter.


  1. I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. After losing two babies(miscarriage) and looking around at all these nasty women popping out kids just to get more welfare pissed me off to no end. I will never understand why God blesses those women with so many healthy children and I guess we will never understand why. I'm so sorry that exam didn't come back very positive =[. All I can think with everything you are going through is that you are becoming an extremely strong Woman. One day God will bless you with another beautiful baby and when he does that sweet baby is going to be the most loved and cherished child ever. You will be a strong and amazing Mother for all you have been through. I know that doesn't make the struggles any easier but it helps to know that there is light somewhere at the end of that tunnel. Love you tons.


  2. I've been struggling with this very same thing.

    There is a girl here in town who, I just found out, gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby girl a few days ago. this is her 3rd child from 3 different men. She doesn't take care of her children which forces their grandparents to take her place. When I found out, I was furious. "How could she be so irresponsible? She doesn't deserve those children."

    It sounds awful, but those feelings are completely valid. This world is not fair. Those who deserve babies don't get them, but those who don't deserve them have a whole mess and don't really care. I don't know why God continues to allow this stuff to happen and why He allows innocent children to suffer. It's not fair.

    I also want you to know that I have now conceived 2 children with just one ovary. A couple years ago, I was rushed to the ER in the worst pain I have ever been in. I had a cyst the size of a grapefruit on my right ovary. They watched it and finally decided they wanted to take it out to make sure it wasn't anything serious. It turned out it was completely benign, but it was scary. That was before I was pregnant with Joshua and now this little one as well.

    don't give up my friend. Just keep moving forward, but don't beat yourself up over these feelings. They are completely normal.

    Much love my dear.