The journey of olivia... diagnosed with HLHS at 19 weeks gestation.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
sweet little girl
i am missing olivia today like everyday. its so hard to believe she is gone. everything feels so unreal. like it didnt happen and there is a huge chunk of my heart missing. i walk around with this feeling of dread ...you know that shitty feeling like you forgot something somewhere that was REALLY important and you start to panic. yeah i live with that panic EVERYDAY.
i get angry everyday. i wish that it was easier to get out of bed. the dust has settled and now i sit at home alone. it sucks because i should be busy with a 5 month old and instead i am able to take off to reno for the weekend and getting shitty drunk. that responsibility switch just doesnt shut off... but you have to fight back those feelings to have a good time.