the past two days

December 26th we had the Chaplin at the hospital come and give our little olivia a baptism before the morning of her surgery. it was really beautiful. she enjoyed her dress once we had it draped over her and tucked around her she fell asleep and continued to stay asleep the whole time ... aunt terry was there to watch it and Chris video taped it... of course i cried .

at 815 am olivia was taken down to the O.R to have her first stage of her operations done. chris and i held each other close and cried early that morning because really we didnt know if that would be the last time we saw our baby girl alive.chris's mom dad sisters and brother and grandparents came to stay with us during the surgery and so did uncle pat and aunt di. the majority of the day was waiting and sitting and pumping for me.
i felt like the day went by pretty fast and it wasnt until almost 7pm where we able to see her. i think the hardest part of it all was that i couldnt just go and see her like i was when she was in the NICU. through out the day i did have moments where i was really anxious and felt afraid but then an update of how it was going would come to us and everything was going good. she got through the surgery and was now ready for us to see her. it was scary and it broke both of our hearts to see our little baby layed out and cut open. chris asked to see under the cover and there it was a tiny beating heart.... our 4 day old baby girl was wide open and we could see her heart ...

we had our break downs and chris and i cried... we both take turns breaking down. it seems to work for us... i dont think that seeing a baby let alone your own child go through this should ever have to happen but we know that this is what needs to be for her to survive and hopefully come home with us... knowing that this will be a long journey makes us nervous but we are hanging in there... she has been fighting and staying pretty stable.

(24 hours after surgery)

she is our little warrior! every day she amazes me i see her little face and her tiny little body and just marvel at her strength she is my hero. 

even though when the phone rings i start shaking and when an alarm goes off i jump i think that i really dont know what i would do without my baby girl... she has forever changed me.

(48 hours after her surgery)

i love you miss Olivia 

your mommy 

<3